Lying


Lying is something we do everyday. The thing I find fascinating about lying, is if it’s good or bad. I mean, we always say in certain scenario’s it’s better to lie than tell the truth, but do we really know that to be the case? I’m not doubting it isn’t sometimes, and I’ve certainly done it protect someone else or even myself. But, we never really can know something without it actually happening. Sure, we make predictions, which we base on patterns. These patterns are consistent, which enables us to think we know what to do. But again, in essence, we really have no idea, and it’s more or less like playing a game of chance.

By Name invalid (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

To end the above ramble, I’d like to point out in my opinion some positives, and negatives of lying. I’ll start with the negatives. I’ve always made it a habit to be an honest person, but sometimes you can’t be Abraham Lincoln all the time. I think one of the worst things about a lie, is having to live with it every day. Not being able to tell someone, and just having it eat away at your insides like a zombie. It becomes a real problem too, and it can affect your daily life, which is crazy to think. I can remember not being able to sleep, and just wanting to express the truth to someone. But than again, doing so would completely “destroy me”. It sorta did because now I have to live with that moment in the back of my head, and it was because I was too proud to admit fault before it became a real problem. A single lie, not only formed a regret, but a memory that can’t be shaken. Another negative which hinges off what I mentioned just before to a degree, is the consequences that come with a lie. Depending on the lie, and whom you are lying too, decides the severity of it. This is such a broad topic though, and I can literally throw out tons of consequences, but I’m sure you get the gist. Lastly, it just delays the inevitable. It’s bound to come out eventually, and duration is not always your friend.

The positives, again are dependent on how you look at lying. Everyone has different perspectives, so this is just, what I believe. I feel as if lying can protect someone, or even yourself as I mentioned before. There are certain situations, where to be blunt, isn’t the right thing to do, at least morally. If I don’t like a Christmas gift , I’m not going to tell them, this flat out sucks. Obviously we think nothing bad of the situation, but by holding back our real emotions, we are lying. It’s probably for the best though because who really wants to verbally assault someone over a “gift”. Or how about when your friend ask you if they look good? Are you really going to tell them that they look bad? No, your going to lie, and boost their self-esteem for the moment by lying. I think another positive to lying is that it can help us get a job, or some type of income. Obviously this is not always the case, and morally it isn’t the right way to approach the situation, but life ain’t always easy. I feel as if some companies demand way to much on a person’s resume, and they hire someone who isn’t necessarily better for the job, it’s just that their credentials outweigh that. There are many other factors, and I’m sure with unemployment this high, lying about references, or past work is a norm at this point. I can see why it would be a negative as well, and I’m not out to get companies because for some (the one’s not getting bailed out), they are going through the same pains as the individuals.

I’m not really sure as to why I started writing about this but it just came to my today. I could ramble about lying all day too, and go back and forth about the aspects of it. But, I think I get the point across I was trying to make. I love to talk about life, and I think lying is an essential part of it, I mean we do it everyday. 

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Math Poem


I found a journal I wrote in middle school, about a year ago in my house. It’s so interesting to see what I wrote, and compare it to how I felt now. I must say, I was kind of proud to see some of the things I wrote back then because maturity wasn’t at a high in those days. Anyways, in that journal I found a Math poem I had to write for a Math class. It was an interesting assignment because it didn’t have to do with numbers, but instead turning math terms into poetry. Now, I wrote this in 6th grade, so bare with the spelling and other errors. There definitely is a good amount, but it’s not that hard to read. Anyways, without further ado…

 

At the Point where are paths intersect

That is when I received respect

Your feeling for me make me feel prime

Life has become rational all the time

You have been a ray of sunshine

and you will always be mine

You are the foundation and base of my being

The length and width the breadth of my love

for you is beyond seeing

Death Story #2


Today marks a year since my grandmother passed away. She was the last of my grandparents and perhaps the death that really tore me apart. She was the glue to the family, and I firmly believe our hearts were powered by hers.

By frank wouters (Flickr) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

My grandmother was the nicest person I’ve ever met in my life, and everyone whom met her says the same thing. I often referred to her as my second mother because she assumed that motherly figure role that helped comfort me when my mother passed away. I can remember her always making me food, even when I wasn’t hungry. I often was picky about how I liked certain foods cooked too, such as my grilled cheese being cooked in a toaster, and not the stove. She remembered every time though!  Cookies and other junk food were always supplied, and she thought she could beef me up, but my metabolism never allowed that. I loved when we played Rummy 500, and I’m so glad the last time we ever played, she won. She went out on top in the game she taught me to love, and I don’t think there was ever a dull moment playing with her. I loved to visit her, and I always stayed later than I should have, just because her presence. I can remember my dad calling me up to tell me to come home soon, but I often told him “just another hour”. I miss her compliments as well, I mean she did call me “Guapo” (handsome in Spanish). She definitely knew how boost your self-esteem, and I can’t remember us ever being angry at each other. It was all smiles with her, and she was so easy-going.

She was blessed with great health for a long time, until she needed surgery on her aortic valve. She made it through that surgery, but it drained her. Often getting shortness of breath, or just having no energy to do much, she more or less was contained to her house. But, she made it out a few times, especially for the holidays. A few years after her surgery, she than began to lose her memory. It was one of the saddest thing I experienced. She would ask you the same question a few times, in only a span of five minutes. But oddly, she would remember stories back in the day, especially how she met her husband. I loved her stories too, and it was probably because anything that had to do in the past was much more interesting than now. I can see her now, in her reclining chair talking to me, with the TV at one-hundred volume. 

Thanksgiving day, not at her house anymore kills me inside often. It was all I knew growing up, and it hasn’t been easy to adjust. She made this amazing gravy, that not one person in the family did not like. It’s soooooo good! Her Swedish meatballs and Macaroni and Cheese was another of my favorites. Those were the good times, and life without her has been so difficult. Every holiday, her not being there, leaves a certain void that can’t be filled. I’m not quite sure how to overcome her death either because it was in comparison to say Martin Luther King Jr. being killed. The impact King had on the black community, was that of my grandmother having on our family. Obviously I’m not implying the magnitude of their accomplishments, but instead the importance they had on others lives.

By Promixluvr (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Perhaps one of the worst weeks of my life was seeing her, hours before she would die. Short breaths, totally inattentive, and could go at any minute. We were all in the room, at her bed, and stayed for as long as we could. The last goodbye to her, and not knowing if she could hear me, was saddening. I remember thanking her for all she did for me, although it was mostly murmuring with all the crying I was doing. She would than pass away that morning, and I can remember not sleeping the entire night just thinking about her. I often have vivid memories of that day, and it’s part of the reason I can’t fall asleep right away some nights. The day of her wake, would also be the first day at my new college. So everything just happened so quick, and it snowed that day too. I believe it was the only day it would snow in the winter of 2012 in New York, which was odd.

My grandmother was an angel, even before her death. I’m happy that I was able to take a few things from her house and implement them into mine. They will be with me forever, and I hope I can pass them on in the future. I’ll never forget her, and I credit her for shaping me as a human being. I often try to mimic her ways, but she was to dam nice too. I’d be lucky to be half of what she was, and I don’t think I’ll ever come across another woman quite as amazing as her. 

Vermont, Friends, and New Beginnings!


Sorry all, I went away on a magnificent trip to Vermont with amazing friends. I couldn’t have pictured a better time, and Vermont was so beautiful. From the mountains to the snow-covered ponds, the scenery was beyond my imagination. Sometimes, not even words can describe how truly peaceful the area was. I had such a great time, and the trips magnitude definitely was at its peak going with friends. Before actually going on this trip, I was skeptical it would ever come to fruition. I mean, I always have tried to plan things, but sometimes it’s at the wrong times, and it just doesn’t work. I thought this would be more or less the same, but boy was I wrong, and there was an added twist.

Originally it was supposed to be a trip to upstate New York to snowboard for two days, and I only thought it would only be me and my friend. But, something formulated and next thing you know we were going to Vermont for three days, and another friend was on board to come as well. It was probably the best possible thing that could happen, and I’m really glad it did. We had a blast whether it was the long five-hour plus drives in the AM’s, playing the bullshit which is Mario Kart on the Wii, snowboarding or just simply having each other’s company. At least that’s how I felt. Also going to Vermont saved us a lot more money because we stayed at one of my friend’s Aunt’s house. What a wonderful lady she was too. I mean to completely welcome strangers into her home, and let us stay over for three nights was such a nice gesture. It not only saved us a lot of money like I mentioned before, but I’m sure me and my friend can safely say we made a new friend. You too Joe! Vermont overall was great to us, and everyone there is so nice. I even loved the little stores they had, and the bookstore we stopped by at, was great. I’m not a reader by any sorts, I just never got into it, but I found myself grabbing a book, and finding a chair to read for half and hour or so. It must have been the atmosphere or just how nice the bookstore actually was, that made me do that. Every store though, had that cozy atmosphere as well, and it was very comforting. Not something you’d find in New York to be honest. Also, snowboarding at Bromley Mountain was great, and it was nice going on the weekdays because it wasn’t crowded. The people were nice there as well, especially Hugo! For our last run down the mountain we went to the very top, and the view was breathtaking. The ride down was long but so fun, and definitely was worth it!!!

As for the friends I went on the trip with, I couldn’t have gone with a better pair. And while I won’t mention names, I’m sure if they come across this, they know who they are in this story. We all met in college, and in one classroom is where we all hit it off. But before that, I’ll explain to the best of my memory of how I met each of them.

One of them, we really never talked as she was usually sitting in the opposite direction closer to the teacher’s desk. But one day, I believe she was late because I was as well, and that usually meant only a few seats were open up close to the whiteboard in the front. So at the end of class one day, she had asked me if I was an artist. Now, she asked that because I carried around an art box, as well as a sketch pad for my art class afterwards. I had said no, and explained why I had it. I still remember she was easy to talk too, and had mentioned an art gathering around common hour she had gone to where she learned to draw snoopy! She had tried to teach me how easy it actually was to draw snoopy, and had told me other things that go on at common hour. She literally does it all at school, as crazy as it might appear, she definitely takes advantage of every opportunity presented, which I believe is pretty special. Anyways, we had talked some more after that, and soon exchanged numbers. This friend is an amazing human being, as well as an excellent cook (I’ve never eaten so healthy in my life, and I credit her for my experiences with different foods). Her care for friends, wisdom on matters, under the radar jokes, and love for nature make her stand out. She is also a really good snowboarder!

As for my other friend, we had not only had the Philosophy class that we were all in together but another one as well. I believe we first really talked in the Philosophy class though because we sat pretty much next to each other most of the time. And if I remember correctly are first conversation was that of how boring our teacher was in the Rome class we had. Which than turned into talking about video games because she had referenced Assassin’s Creed on the first day of that Rome class. Anyways, that is how I remember us first talking, and we exchanged email addresses in result. Later we exchanged numbers where we would basically assist each other for homework, literally like all of it. This friend is also an excellent human being, and very wise. She is one of the most unbias people I’ve ever met, is a solid shit talker, and definitely cares for her friends as well. She also has some balls, and I feel like I harp on this a lot but it’s true. Despite going snowboarding for the first time, and landing on her ass several times, she got back up and went back at it. The second day, sore and bruised, she still went back up, and seriously that is inspiring. Even though it might appear to be something small, it just shows you that some people just won’t give up, and that’s awesome. I went through the same thing going snowboarding for the first time, and I know exactly how it felt too. It definitely showed me a lot about said person.

I think the day that we really all became friends was one of the best days I ever had. We had homework due, and we all met up, and simply procrastinated. I first experienced the cooking of my friend there, and the amazingness of both as we bullshitted through our assignment, but got to know each other in the process. It was a blast, just like these friends, and just like this trip. When I went to this college, I just wanted to focus on my degree, and not meeting friends. But, thankfully that wasn’t the case because now I have memories, and experiences that I’ll take to my grave just from meeting these two unbelievable friends!

New Beginnings: I vow to find work, and really start taking responsibility for my life. I take for granted my situation, and this trip was an eye opener to do that. If I want to go on more trips, and have more fun, I need to start working to get that opportunity. I know one of my friends wants to go New Zealand, and I’m going to look into that for all three of us to do. I don’t even mind paying for the entire trip, and surprising them. Or possibly going on a long road trip during spring break, where we visit unique wonders in the United States. Either way, I’m sure we would have a great time, and I’d rather do these things sooner because we can leave this earth at any second. All that money we saved up, gone to waste, and it could have been used on building memories and exploring. We don’t do enough exploring in life, and often seclude ourselves to one location. We need to realize the world is bigger than just our home! We have one life, and one ability to live it. So, embark on adventures, and seize the moments that come with them. The meaning of life is whatever you interpret it to be but in the end, it’s always an exploration. An that exploration is only as expanded as you make it, so I suggest to travel whenever you get the opportunity. Your mind will be expanded, your life will be fuller, and you will have stories, and memories to share for a lifetime. 

Before I end this story, I’d just like to mention how much of a great time I had. As I sit here back at my house, there is an odd feeling not waking up where you just were the previous day. The trip went so fast, and sometimes it just sucks it did. I mean this probably was one of the best times I had in my life, and it truly is because of the people I went with. That is why I dedicate this post to them, and I still have to give you your gifts. Thanks guys! Enjoy Below as well, lmao!

Death Story #1


In my lifetime, I’ve witnessed more death than I could ever imagine. I have been plagued by it, and I fear for those who have it much worse than me because the feeling is unbearable. In this post I’m going to talk about my first encounter with death, and how I overcame their death with time. Now, It’s not easy speaking about this but it’s life, and everyone goes through these troubling moments.

By Tim Dawson (Flickr: Sad Lucy) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

My first encounter with death was my mother. It happened when I was seven years old, and I can remember the day like it was yesterday. Now, before my mother passed, she was in and out of the hospital for a year or two. I do recall some of the things we did together like dressing up for Halloween or having the mandatory fire and hot cocoa on Christmas Day. But, I can’t say I remember all that much. I was young, and with her in and out of the hospital, it was tough to spend quality time. I can also say I never really acknowledged the severity of her breast cancer, and I never knew that someone could die. But, I found that out the hard way when I came home from school one day, and my entire family was at my house. I thought we were having a party, but soon came to realization it wasn’t when my sisters and I were pulled into a room by my father. I can’t tell you how confused I was that day, but you can only imagine. I asked a dozen questions, until I realized that I’d never see my mother again. I instantly had the worse feeling in my stomach, and combined with tears this was one of the worse days of my life. A few days before she died, she had told me something. I didn’t put it together until after she died but it made sense.  She had told me “I’ll always be in your heart”, and I’ll never forget that. It’s something I will always cherish, and I believe it to be true because I have a strong heart.

Now, overcoming this wasn’t easy. I was depressed for a long time, and it was troubling. But I came to realize that death is a part of life, and we just have to accept reality. As long as we can remember memories, or have pictures, they will never be erased. It’s all about taking in everything they taught you as well, and making sure you carry it out. I certainly have done that to this day and I make sure that I touch every heart I come across, and I try to leave a smile on everyone’s face. I know for sure my mother would just want me to be happy, and live life. That’s what I intend to do, and I would never take that for granted. I would also like to say, cherish every moment you have with a loved one. Never take any moment for granted, and say “I Love you” to them once in awhile. It doesn’t hurt to tell someone that, more than it does to see them in a casket. Sorry to be blunt about that but it’s true. I’ll share more stories of my life, in later posts. Thanks for reading, as always.

Fear


Fear, is it a weak emotion or can it be beneficial? The debate about that is almost non-existent but I often find myself thinking about things like this. I do not think it’s a weak emotion because some things in this world you need to be fearful of. As we know, not everything is good out there, and sometimes being fearful of something provides us a reassurance of safety. I also believe fear can turn into a strength, as we try later on to overcome the obstacle we face. I can personally say, I definitely am fearful of things. It’s not a weakness, it’s just being a human. And these fears I have, only strengthen me later on, as I break their barriers. I remember when I was younger, I was terrified of highs. But, that meant not enjoying amusement parks, and roller coasters. Although the fear is still there, I just put my big boy pants on, and I do every roller coaster at an amusement park. It’s all about enjoying something, and not letting whatever fear you have get in the way. 

By YellowMonkey (Photo by YellowMonkey) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Also I believe being fearful of things often makes you think about stuff, and gives you something to strive for. What I’m implying is that say I fear being rejected. It’s a totally normal fear to have, and I think you really need to talk things over with yourself about issues like this. As far as rejection, you need to realize that everyone gets rejected at some point in a day. It’s how you take that rejection, and overcome it is what matters. Although this is my perspective on the matter, I truly believe that 20 seconds of insane courage is all you need. As long as you pour your heart into whatever you fear, there’s nothing that can deny you. 

I will say this though, do not live your life in complete fear. Like I said before, it’s not a weak emotion, it’s just being human. But, to completely shun yourself, and not attempt to overcome your fears, is not the right way to live. Of course, this is me speaking, and everyone has their own perspective. But, being a human and going through the daily grind as well, I feel as if my opinion does embark some truths. Well, I did not wish to turn this into a ramble, but I will leave you this last remark. Fear is only a weak emotion if you make it one. 

Anger


First off, Happy New Year to everybody, and I wish everyone the best. May this year be full of life for you! 

Author: Holger Thölking

Now to my blog topic, Anger. I often feel this emotion daily, and not because someone bothers me or anything, but instead the way some lives close to me panned out. Now, there is no one to blame because that’s life, and death comes with the territory. But, I feel angered that good people, people that I love, went too soon. And, just to clarify, I am not angry person at all. This emotion is just simply something that is internal. It doesn’t effect me as much externally, but it certainly hits my core. To be totally truthful, I’ve never enjoyed my birthday either because those I loved either died around my birthday, or actually on it. I always feel like I’m holding myself back from being truly happy too because I know that I shouldn’t be harping on this, but the anger inside, is too much to fight away. It’s like a demon inside of me that won’t let me go, as if I signed some contract in which I have to serve for life. 

I’m not quite sure though, how I can ever put this issue to the side. It’s at the point where it not only is a daily emotion that I go through, but it’s effected other things. My faith for one, has all but been lost as a result. I can also say pain, and tears have become something of rarity. I’ve gotten to the point on occasions where I can say I’ve become numb. I’m actually one of those guys too that don’t mind expressing their emotions. It doesn’t make you feminine to express yourself, like the majority of the world might think. You are a human, and humans express themselves. Gender should never be an issue because I can tell that when you express your emotions, it’s such a relief. You clear the air, and feel much better. It’s also just being real, and not fake. I might be tailing off my blog topic at hand, but I think you got the gist. I’ll figure something out one day to try and put this in the past, but it’s hard not be angry when you see a family photo, and half are not even around anymore. 

By Guyon Morée from Beverwijk, Netherlands (Angry tiger) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons